Thistle Do! April Week 4, 2024
Dolly Diary! Apocalypse Then! Stress Awareness Month! Crap Design! Happy Snaps!
Dolly Diary
This week Doll hit the stage at the Gladstone Bowls club, aided and abetted by her mate Josh who sang as Kenny.
Roaring show. Good crowd. Great Times!
The new banner looked pretty smicko too… and didn’t get stolen from the foyer.
Happy Days!
Apocalypse Then!
For Technical Reasons the coming apocalypse will NOT be televised… thankyou for your understanding.
Apparently the world was supposed to end two weeks ago during the latest solar/lunar eclipse.
I can’t tell you how annoyed I am.
Honestly, I spent the last two weeks living in a home-made bunker in the backyard, looking at worm ends wriggling about and chuckling to myself for being so clever.
Then I resurfaced to find it didn’t happen.
Slightly peeved!
Apparently the signs were all there… war in the Middle East (honestly, who’d have predicted that?!), celestial bodies doing odd things… just like they always do, animals behaving strangely, other animals not behaving strangely, unexpected showers of rain in Gladstone and God’s Chosen One being dragged, kicking and screaming, into court for using loot filched from the company’s lunchroom honesty box to bribe a porn star to stop her from blabbing about what a dud root he was.
NOTE: look, using your own moolah to silence someone you had a fling (or seven) with waaay back in 2006 (when she was a hard-boiled twenty-six and you were a sprightly sixty and your trophy wife wasn’t putting out because she was up to her eyeballs organising someone to breastfeed your latest trust fund baby), is perfectly fine if that’s your ‘thing’ and all parties are consenting adults… oh, and conscious (Bill Cosby, take note pal!)
But, if you’re running for President and need the votes from a bunch of God fearing, narrow-minded, gun and Bible toting conservatives, you might be a little worried about what the faithful will think if this sordid affair was bought to light.
Not to worry!
The faithful had been brainwashed into believing a benevolent God has made you a scheming, lying, cheating billionaire in order to spread the love… so to speak.
And he’d have got away with it too, if it hadn’t been for those pesky kids and their talking dog at the New York Attorneys’ office.
Anyway, let’s put the stripper and the grifter’s problems aside for the time being and circle back to the apocalypse.
I’d seen all the signs, portents and omens and knew something BIG was brewing, but the clincher, for me, that the end was really NOW, was what disappeared from our local supermarket shelves.
Tinned beetroot.
You don’t have to be Nostradamus to know that once the tinned beets go, chaos is sure to ensue.
Except it hasn’t.
Anyway, not to fear, the world will be ending again, very shortly.
Not yet though, even though ‘The Devil Comet’ is currently streaking through our night skies, we’ll have to wait ‘til September when another comet will be touring our neck of the solar system and coming very close to our planet.
So close in fact that the boffins who study these things predict we’ll be able to see it during the day too!
But don’t bother looking to the skies for harbingers of doom, or seeing Jesus strolling down your main drag with Elvis, just check the beetroot section in your local supermarket.
If there’s none there, head to the bunker!
I may be wrong. So, if you’re looking for a something a little more substantial, then I’ll give you my sure-fire, no mucking around, this is really it, we’re seriously not kidding this time, sign of an apocalypse making it’s way down our main street.
Waking up to find Keith Richards has carked it…
Gregs’ Lore of the ‘Burbs!
Any household bin you empty will be overflowing the next time you go to put something in it.
National Stress Awareness Month
Apparently National Stress Awareness Month was this month… and I missed most of it!
Why wasn’t I told earlier?
Apparently I was…
My sress levels are through the roof now!
I wonder if next month is pro-active listening month?
Crap Design of the Week
Want to save on paper wastage and cost at your service station?
Then get one of these handy units which dispenses paper towels one square centimetre at a time!
Another genius product bought to you by the dead breaths at Useless Bastards Designs.
Happy Snaps
This weeks blast from the past was bought to you by the good folk of Ladybird Books, England, in 1970:
It’s full of useful hints and tips for toddlers! I.E.: how to make, then use, your own bucket bong:
Transgender dancing:
Cooking meth with Mother:
How to break your neck when pushed off non-council approved play equipment:
Finding out what happens to sensitive skin when it’s exposed to animal toxins:
But it’s not all fun and games. This chapter deals with the harsh reality of child sweatshops:
Anyway… here’s some other snaps I took this week…
The difference 24 hours makes:
We found a novel way to stop our pet wolf from crashing through the locked plastic dog door during a storm:
Spotted these birds in the burbs at Tannum Sands:
Thanks for dropping by! See you all again next week…
Cheers,
Greg