Thistle Do! Sex, Drugs and Country Music!
Sorry, that should have read: So You Wanna Be A Muso? Where's Dolly? Happy Snaps!
Tips for Wannabe Muso’s
Look, I’ve only dipped a bit of my little toenail into the water, but I do have access to someone who has dabbled in the Music Industry for a few years:
First up, while it looks glamorous and fun, it is filled with people who can be pretty ruthless, cut throat, downright hostile and nasty.
But enough about agents.
Also, there’s a reason it’s called the Music ‘Industry’ and not the Music ‘Family’.
Although, we all know what families are like, so perhaps ‘Industry’ is a step up?
Anyway, the first question you need to ask yourself is, Why?
Why On Earth Do I Want to do this?!
You’ll need to know this because, when the going gets tough, you’re going to have to dig deep and find the reason to keep going… other than the fact you’ve sunk your lifesavings into a new microphone and need to pay it off before the loan sharks with bolt cutters arrive on your doorstep.
Here are some acceptable reasons:
Wanting to bring joy to people.
A burning desire to share your gift.
It’s your creative outlet.
Freebies from the bar.
Or simply because you truly love what you do and can’t seem to stop… even after taking the medicine?
Do You Actually Have Talent?
There’s loads of people who get to perform on TV. Unfortunately, they’re there to be mocked by this bloke:
Don’t be one of them, oh, and don’t be like that down punching bastard either!
If the only person telling you your musical ability is ‘Great!’ is your Mum then you should definitely get a 35th opinion.
If you decide to keep following that Big Dream, then for the love of Odin, get some lessons and practice, practice, practice!
My mate James, who can not only make a guitar sing, but walk down to the shops, buy a pack of cigarettes and come back… with the correct change (!) once told me, “Good muso’s practice til they’re not making mistakes. Great muso’s practice until they can’t make mistakes.”
Of course, even the best can off days:
Sooner, or later, you will get better, and people will eventually stop running from the room moments after you burst into song and hang round to watch your show, applaud, or better yet, ask you to do another show!
Natural talent will get you so far, but hours of repetitive practice at home will get you actual, ongoing, paid work.
That’s the easy bit.
Next, you have to play/sing to a live audience.
Hitting The Stage
Under the lights, in battle conditions, is where bedroom virtuosos and campfire divas can come undone.
Trust me on this…
Doll advises to play in front of an audience as often as possible (to which I’ll add, lock the doors if you have to).
Start small, at parties, busking, talent quests. Look, if someone’s opening an envelope, be there!
You’ll soon find out what songs work and what doesn’t.
Try new things. See if they fly or get you tossed out of the building.
This sort of feedback is gold!
Back in the 1960’s, up and coming folk singer/guitarist/banjo player, Billy Connolly, used to tell jokes while the real musicians changed instruments, strings or ducked off for a drink or fag. Eventually the jokes took over the show, the real muso’s wandered away and Billy transformed into a story telling entertainer/comedian.
Also, you’ll get to meet…
Other Muso’s!
Muso’s are the salt of the earth, usually extremely helpful and generally keen for you to succeed.
The last thing they want to see is the crowd walk out, or go to sleep, during your set.
Especially if they’re on after you.
So, no matter how good you are, ask for, then listen to their advice.
Take their advice.
Especially from the ones frantically yelling, “For the Love of Odin! Practice! Practice! Practice!”
Turn Up
As a muso you have to turn up to gigs. This means, you aren’t allowed to get sick, be tired, feel depressed by the loss of a pet or miss a gig because the car broke down/exploded.
Whatever it takes, make it to the show and be ready to ‘Wow ‘em!’ Even if you have spent the afternoon vomiting up your lungs.
Acceptable excuses for not turning up are:
Giving birth
Losing a limb (a major one, fingers and toes don’t count)
Death of a loved one
Your own death
And even these might not be accepted by some venues and promoters.
Stuff will Go Wrong
If there’s the remotest chance of something not working, breaking, falling over, catching fire or just being ornery, then it will happen to you eventually.
Hopefully not all at the same gig.
Have a back up plan and carry on. Again, do whatever it takes. Listen, you’re supposed to be creative, so Create! Create a memorable occasion from a potential disaster!
Know the Odds of Success
If you’ve signed on because you want to make millions and be adored everywhere you go, then I’ve got some bad news for you.
The odds of glittering success in the industry are about the same as a winning 2nd Division Lotto. Not good. Not impossible. But really out there…
(NOTE: Except for you. That’s right, you know I didn’t mean you… and you know who you are. You’ll be the exception ok… yeah, sure, yeah… ).
Get a Real Job
In the words of Luke O’Shea, “The Australian music industry pays so well I’ve been a teacher for thirty years.”
It is possible to make a living, but it’s handy to have a ‘real’ job to fall back on when the phone doesn’t ring, or emails don’t ‘ping’.
Try to find a job which doesn’t drain your energy, like swinging hammers or lugging bricks all day. Also, avoid jobs which destroy your soul, like having to sit through long, pointless meetings where overly energised people talk about ‘synergy’, ‘disrupters’ or ‘next level, up-level, level up’, etc.
Also your job is going to require a fair bit of flexibility to allow you to travel to and from shows, as well as allow you to schedule some much needed sleep after big weekends or mid-week performances which go long after midnight has struck (by the way, if you’re naturally an early riser aka: fowl, then you’d better learn to be a night-owl… fast!)
The ideal job is one where you get paid a criminal amount to sit, uninterrupted, for long periods of time, allowing you to write songs or nap. But not everyone can be a government back-bencher.
Other alternatives are:
Be born to rich parents
Marry someone stuck in a real job who is prepared to pay for your little hobby
Win Lotto
Become a hedge fund investor
Be the chairman of the board in a multi-national company
Write a hit song and become an overnight sensation
Honestly people, how hard could it be?!
Hello Highway! Goodbye Weekends!
As a muso you will be expected to travel to gigs, far and wide. This means clocking up a lot of klms around the countryside.
A LOT of kilometres.
Try to avoid hitting wildlife… or anything else.
You’ll also get to stay in some… stimulating, accommodation. With a bit of luck you won’t catch anything from the shared showers and toilets.
Plus, you’ll get to apologise (a lot) to family and friends with regular hours who plan parties, dinners, hang-gliding excursions or other things on weekends when you’re working.
So, it’s not all bad!
Your Personality Type Counts
If you’re an extrovert, being a muso, performer or entertainer is your natural stomping ground. You’re eyes will be spinning for hours from the energy you receive at your shows. Getting you out of the spotlight will be a constant battle for your band, partner, bar staff, bouncers and police.
If you’re an introvert, on stage you’ll be pouring through the sort of energy used by an open freezer door on a hot day. To get that energy back, you‘ll need some serious down-time away from other human beings. So plan lots of alone time into your schedule.
Tell people you have a recurring case of shingles, that should do the trick.
Have Fun!
My short foray into the world of music has been interesting. I’ve met some amazing, talented, friendly people, and some… others.
Only once have I ever had to hiss onstage, during a show, to another muso, “Listen pal, I don’t have to take this shit from a #(&^%#* bass player!”
The show went on without a hitch and we patched things up backstage.
Eventually.
So, don’t take it too seriously. Life is short and none of us are getting out alive, so have some fun. Play as well as you can and be forgiving when others make mistakes.
Also, don’t be too hard on yourself when you make mistakes. It’s not that big a deal.
Seriously.
Look, the only people suffering during my shows are real musicians, but the other 99% are there to have a good time (get drunk, trying to impress the opposite sex, the same sex, or pick up the barmaid, etc.) and they want you to have fun too.
Be an Encourager
Everyone should experience the delight of making and playing music in public. And while not everyone going to make it to the top, you can have a lot of fun, and earn a few $ fiddling about on the sidelines.
What’s the harm?!
It’s a very, very broad church. There’s so many styles, genres and categories of music around nowadays you’ll soon find your niche’ and an audience for it.
So, I say, ‘Good for you!’, ‘Go for it you good thing!’, ‘The more the merrier!’
Although, internally I might be thinking:
Next week, we discuss ‘Recording Your Music!’
I know as little about that as I do about being an actual music, so it should be a riot…
Where’s Dolly?
This weekend, Donella has trekked down to the bustling metropolis of Lismore for a show with her mates, Josh Powell-Fussell and Max Powell (Note: I would love it if Max changed his name to Max Power, just like the setting on my hair dryer!)
So, if you’re within coo-ee of L-Town, drop in for a great time!
Happy Snaps!
This week, on Fartbook’s Gladstone Open Discussion page, a certain Mr. Ne Way (yeah… that name sounds legit) posted that a croc had been snapped at Canoe Point, where we walk most afternoons.
Turns out Mr. Way had used a photo from the Northern Territory.
What a cad!
But, blow me down, I took a photo of the area last week at the Boyne River mouth and just got my film back from the developers and was shocked to see this image!
Sure it looks legit, but I don’t want to cause a panic by posting it on F-book.
Then we had a visitor pop by on Wednesday night. A frog who wanted to come in from the rain:
No crocs here… possibly. Probably lots of frogs. Definitely lots of turtles and eels though:
Last week I posted this photo of the King Tide at Tannum Sands:
Here’s a shot the next day of the (Queen?) Low Tide:
As the Captain of the Titanic said, “Well, that’s a lot of water…”
Thanks for dropping by! Let’s do it all again next week.
By the way, if you enjoyed reading this (as much as I enjoyed hacking it from my wrists) then click on this button…
Cheers,
Greg